Journal Entry 2~18 April 2010
Today is a sad day. Nathanael asked about twenty time to see and talk to a man that I dated. Each time I would reply with a "No" or "Not today." Nathanael would reply each time with a sad deflated, "Oh. He doesn't love you anymore Mama?" The last time he asked I expected the same reply, but instead I got a tear filled, "Oh. He doesn't love us anymore? That's so sad because I so love him." My heart is breaking for my son. I knew I was hurting from the breakup, but didn't know he was too.
I learned today that I have a great love to offer. My love is not broken or lost, it is very much alive and real. Not everyone deserves my love and not everyone I love wants to be loved by me. But it is real, it is deep, and it is lasting. It really is better to love and lose than to never have known real love. The pain lets me know it was real, that I am alive, and allows for compassion to grow within me. I regret a lot of things I have done for love and in the name of love BUT I do not regret loving. Pure love is a basic human need, never to be tainted by regret.
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